my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
