yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
false alarm. still invincible.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
