We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
