I think i peed on brittanys purse
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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