dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
