hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
