i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
