My nipple is on Facebook.
Buhtt sex?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what day is it and did you see me today?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
