3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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