that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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