the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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