I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize