I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
