I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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