that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
