Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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