Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
