I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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