Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
