Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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