So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
