Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
