The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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