do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Terrible idea I love it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
