sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
