i need an iv and a liver transplant
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
