She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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