sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
