Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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