yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize