Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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