if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize