I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
