Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
