Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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