Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
