if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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