Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
