I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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