I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
