my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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