I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
