Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
