do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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