You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
