If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
