I bet he comes in French.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
