I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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