He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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