drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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