I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize