Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
