If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
