I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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