And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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