I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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