i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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