Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
