My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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