I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
