I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
