I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
