my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
