His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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