4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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