I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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